I use to be hopeless because nothing ever got better. I held on so tightly to the desire to change; to become something, someone or even anything different. I lost control over a lot. For a while I had even lost myself. Insanity has been clawing at these vitreous eyes since I was six. Every time I think of the evil that surrounded me at such an innocent age it makes me sick. The mindset that my mother put in my head and even when I attempt to analyze it...the anxiety is enough to throw me off a bridge. Maybe thats why I don't talk about it much. Its also not a light conversation or one I'd ever pick up with just anyone in conversation. Lately its starting to come up in my head more unwillingly. I'm not sure what is bringing it back. I almost don't even know what to do with myself as it comes up. Its easier to keep my mouth shut its just harder to forget about.
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